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Friday, 27 May 2011

The Female Of The Species....

We seemed to be deluged at the moment with sex scandals- all this hoo har over Ryan Giggs & Imogen off Big Brother (don't even get me started on her- if you know a mans married, you shouldn't be going there- karma and all that) as for him, well, he is nearly 40 so most likely he is feeling a bit insecure and fancied a last grab before he retires.

The sex mad savage lurks just below the surface in most men, hence why most of them, put in a situation with a woman where they feel they have the slightest chance, will give it a go...its really just a question of biology and how they are programmed to spread their seed as far and wide as possible.
Of course some of them take this biological urge a little too far- as we can see in the case of Dominique Strauss-Kahn, who by all accounts has been getting away with behaving like a predatory pervert for years now in his native France (there has to be something a bit wrong in French society that women are allowing this kind of behavior) the French are convinced he's been 'set up' personally, I think a man in his position of power, who has had a blind eye turned to his actions for so long, was eventually going to come unstuck.
Then we have Arnold Schwarzenegger who has been happily pregnating the staff. Of course being from the Kennedy clan, Maria Shriver must surely be used to such behavior....

So of course it isn't just now, for centuries men have been giving into their weaknesses, and so many women excuse it, or put up with it and of course it usually happens again (its like if you let a dog get up on the furniture- he is always going to get back up there, given the chance)

My first boyfriend cheated on me- I was on holiday with my family, and he was basicly set up by one of his friends girlfriends (who hated me, but didn't actually know me at all- I'd met her once) she had invited him to 'a party' when he got there, it was just this girl...and he stayed and ended up in bed with her.
He told me after I had got back, and we had just had unprotected sex, when he confessed he hadn't used a condom with this girl either. I was livid, but being only 16 at the time, I thought I could forgive him (despite having to go for a check up to make sure I hadn't got anything from his misdemeanor)
Then she started calling his house and telling his entire family that she was pregnant by him (frankly, with this girls reputation she would have been just as well pulling names out of a hat)
At that point I thought- sod this, the humiliation of his family knowing was too much and I left him.
Years later a friend asked if it was his, and I have to say, I have no idea. Didn't know or care, and I don't to this day. I'm actually now quite thankful this happened so early on in my life, as its never happened again, nor would I allow it to.
No matter how much you love a man, once you have been betrayed in this way what you had is irretrievably broken.
So I can sympathise with the wives of these men- to know the entire world is aware must be devastating, but to stand by him- that to me is more so, because he may have been weak in his actions, but you are far weaker if you put up with them (and a six month affair is much worse than a one night stand, in anyones books)

Surely it can't be just money and lifestyle that keeps these women with their men? and granted, it must be tougher if you have children, but frankly mummy putting up with daddys indiscretions to this degree does not set a good example- in fact it breeds the next generation of philandering boys and downtrodden girls -monkey see, monkey do.

There was a very interesting documentry on BBC2 recently which may actually go some way to explaining how we got here. Called The Bibles Buried Secrets, It was all about the Christian church, and Monotheism, and told the tale of how up until the seventh century, there were actually two gods- Asherah & Yahweh, until they came to write up some other translation (the book of Deuteronomy) and basicly, wrote Asherah out of it (they argued that as God was this all powerful being he wouldn't need to have sex, so he wouldn't need to have a wife)
Early sexism anyone? even back in 7th Century BC women were merely seen as sex objects (we haven't really come much further it seems) Its amazing they totally missed the point of male & female Gods- the principle of Ying & Yang was clearly lost on them.
But here is the thing- had these 'scholars' not been allowed to willfully reinterpret the bible (probably based on their own issues) women would not have found themselves second class citizens and subjected to the last 2000 years of oppression.
There would have been no need to Suffrage, I'm sure the burqa wouldn't be around, in fact when you look at most organised religion, its all about men being all powerful and allowed to do exactly as they please, and women being second class citizens
And because women arn't driven by ego & power, its allowed to flourish.
We are oppressed, basicly, because we are feared - the majority of men are actually frightened by women, especially strong ones
I can't tell you how many strong, successful, beautiful, intelligent outgoing women are perpetually single, and when they do get a boyfriend, the man seemingly can't help but undermine her in some way- by either being threatened by her success, or at worse, cheating on her.
You only have to see articles like this rubbish (posted on Womens Day, by a male blogger at Marie Claire)
In a nutshell, men only like women if they dress like little girls, and act all demure and innocent...don't even get me started on this guy (or why Marie Claire would allow him to spout such drivel) now I'm not saying I agree with things like the recent 'Slut Walk' (intended to highlight that women can dress in as little as they please and shouldn't have to worry about getting raped) but at the same time- if I'm wearing high heels and having a laugh ergo I must be a massive slut? Get real. 
(and yes, I did respond to his blog at the time, as did many other women, but they seem to have all been deleted....)

As far as I'm concerned, this Patriachal rule we have lived under since the 7th Century has simply not worked. The worlds in a terrible state, the environment isn't looking good (because money and power seem to be controlling things, not common sense)
I'm sure if women, if not in total power at least shared power, things would be looking a lot different. Empathy and compassion would be much higher on the list of priorities for one thing.
Sadly, its never going to happen, because the majority of women are not driven by status, money and ego and it seems to be those qualities that drive the leaders of this world.
Its all very well Beyonce singing 'who run the world' and telling of a female army, but sadly this will never happen, certainly not as long as the weaknesses of men are condoned by women.

In the late nineties we saw the rise of lads mags like Nuts and Zoo which helped take the sex industry overground, essentially unmasking soft porn and making it freely available to all ages. Obviously, this can never be a good thing as it perpetuates women as sex objects and teaches young girls that its OK to emulate it. It really isn't. Now we have things like having pole dancing lessons as a 'fun way to keep fit' - I'm sorry, but its actually not, its degrading yourself, frankly. What next, the hooker workout? Simulating blow-jobs to get rid of your bingo wings??
You only have to look at the worst example of this to see the kind of person it breeds: Jordan aka Katie Price- surgery obsessed, insecure, tasteless and seriously missing the Sisterhood gene as far as I can see, why a woman who has only just hit 33 has had so much botox is absurd, Jordan has presented herself as a sex doll come to life, and she is a millionaire because of it. What a sad exemplification of our times.
Jordan and her ilk are helping to keep all women down, and sadly it shows no sign of abating.

Don't get me wrong- I don't hate men, I love them in fact and have many male friends both gay and straight, and I'm also very fortunate to have a respectful and loyal boyfriend in my life- sadly I think he is a very rare example.
Most heterosexual men have a lot to learn about respect and equality, and that only starts at home, how the likes of Toni Terry expects to teach her twins this is beyond me.


  1. Great article and I agree wholeheartedly. I thoroughly recommend you buy Pornland by Gail Dines. An excellent, thought provoking and at times terrifying read.

  2. I'll have a look at that one, thanks Alex. I doubt Ms Price has any idea, or would even care how much damage she's done - money over-rides morals, yet again....

  3. Do you think the recession has made us woman gone a few steps back? You hear everyone going on about a return to traditional roles, which in theory is all lovely and self-sacrificing. Are we giving up the fight to use our womanly charms to seek security and at the expense of of respect in society and in our relationships with men? Is the recession making us desperate? At the end of the day when women have to use their sexuality as there only power leverage, i.e. Jordan etc. and younger women look up to this it really disturbs me. But I don’t believe we should repress the pleasure/power of expressing of our beauty and sexuality. Can there be balance? Can the dirty mistress be the good wife? I hope this can be our choice for the future …with a few clever role models perhaps?